


The Difficult Path

by dragons_and_angels



Category: Agent Carter (TV)
Genre: Canon Era, Denial, M/M, Period-Typical Homophobia
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-13
Updated: 2016-08-13
Packaged: 2018-07-28 11:18:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,213
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7638019
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dragons_and_angels/pseuds/dragons_and_angels
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jack tried to pretend that this was something close friends did.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Difficult Path

**Author's Note:**

  * For [The_Plaid_Slytherin](https://archiveofourown.org/users/The_Plaid_Slytherin/gifts).



> This came out a lot more fluffy than I meant but I really enjoyed writing it and discovered a new appreciation for Jack Thompson. Thanks to The_Plaid_Slytherin for your great letter!

Jack didn't know exactly what women did after work. Before he met Peggy Carter, he would have said shopping and sewing and other feminine things he had no interest in, but now he knew her none of them seemed to fit. He drank after work, so out of a lack of anything else to offer to show she did good work he said he would buy her a bourbon.

He hadn't guessed she would out-drink everyone else in the bar.

"I fought with the Howling Commandos," she told Jack, barely a slur in her words as she watched the other agents either stumble out of the bar or slump against the table. She was the only woman in the bar at this time of night but it didn't seem to bother her, all red lipstick and curls. Nothing seemed to bother Peggy Carter.

"That means you know how to fight. It doesn't mean you know how to drink, Carter," he said. He was, despite himself, impressed. Carter was keeping pace with him, and considering he spent most of his time in this bar when he wasn't at home, work or the gym at the SSR facility, that was a feat.

"You underestimate me," Carter said with a laugh. She was moving looser than normal, she wasn't as unaffected as she pretended to be, but Jack was feeling the effects himself, everything slowing down. She stole Agent Cooper's drink as he was now out cold on the table, snoring lightly and took a ladylike sip.

"Jack?" The now familiar voice made him freeze. "I wasn't expecting you here... with someone else." Jack looked up at Adam, scrambling to hide whatever he was feeling, even if he wasn't sure exactly what he was feeling in the first place. Adam's hair was mussed like it was always was at the end of the day and his blue eyes were flicking between Jack and Carter, an uncertain expression on his face.

"My name is Peggy Carter. It's wonderful to meet you." Carter stuck her hand out and Adam shook it, unable to do anything else apparently. Carter's grip was as firm as any man's, Jack knew that from experience and judging by the look in Adam's eye, he was realising that as well. "So you know Jack?"

"Adam Fenton. Yeah- I mean, yes." Adam blinked and gave another look to Jack, this time even more confused. "He comes into the bar after work and we meet up." The smile Adam flashes at Jack makes his heart beat faster and his skin prickle. "He doesn't normally come here with other people though."

"She's a colleague," Jack said quickly, not sure why he wanted to make this clear to Adam. It was really important for him to know this, Carter was nothing special to him. She wasn't a friend, no matter how many confessions on darkened planes he gave her, and he didn't want Adam to get the wrong idea.

Carter shot him a look, more amused than it should be, and moved her chair back from the table with a loud scrape of wood against the floor. "Well, I think I could use another drink. Adam? Jack? Would you like anything?" Two shakes of their heads. "Alright then." She marched off with a clip of high heels and normally Jack would watch her go, partly because that was he was supposed to do when a beautiful woman walked away from him and partly because Carter was both infuriating and interesting in equal parts, but Adam was sliding into Carter's chair and he drew Jack's gaze without effort.

"She's definitely something," Adam said, his voice distant in a way Jack wasn't used to and didn't like. His gaze was intense, his eyes holding Jack's attention easily and making him feel like a deer staring down the barrel of a gun. He wanted to ignore the rising feeling of something in his chest which was making him want to move closer and turn away at the same time. "Jack, I wasn't expecting - why did you bring her here, Jack?"

"She's a work colleague and we were going out for drinks after work." He gestured to the unconscious Cooper and the empty glasses on the table from what remained of their work outing. "It didn't mean anything, Adam." Jack felt like the same feeling of shame similar to when he had to explain his lies to his high school sweetheart all over again. The situations were completely different though.

Adam's gaze held for a beat or two longer before he relaxed. "Alright, Jack. Just surprised me is all." He stole Jack's drink and took a large swig. Jack laughed at the face he made and let himself lean a little closer, stretch his arm over the back of Adam's chair. Nothing out of bounds for being friends and slightly drunk but he felt giddy, as if he was walking along a tightrope.

"I'm glad you're here. How was work?" Adam wrote serials for newspapers, detective stories with plots so convoluted that there was a betting ring at the SSR about who had murdered Father Greene, which got bigger with every new installment. Adam loved to talk about his work and he got so animated when doing so that Jack found himself watching his face more than listening to what he was saying. It was only when Adam trailed off that Jack blinked and pulled himself out of it. "Where's your friend? Miss Carter?" It was strange hearing Carter referred to as 'Miss' but Adam's words had Jack looking around the bar.

"Probably applying lipstick or something," Jack mumbled but as he said this, he caught sight of her at the bar. Carter was drinking something on the opposite of the bar, her eyes fixed on Jack, dark and all too knowing. She raised her glass at him before finishing off the last of the dark liquid with a flick of her wrist.

Carter left the bar and Jack was left with the feeling of something cold slithering down his spine.

***

Carter didn't say anything to him about Adam. Her smiles were a little too enigmatic and made him feel too messed up in a way that was not welcome at work. He was a little sharper towards her than he should have been but all the guilt disappeared when he found out that Carter was involved in Krzeminski's death. He looked at her across the interrogation table and saw her across from him in the plane at the same time, her defiant expression in the present mixing with her sympathetic, softened one when he confessed his greatest shame in the past.

It was impressive, he gave her that, to work directly underneath their noses and helping Howard Stark and his weapons and as much as he felt betrayed, he couldn't see her as another enemy on the other side of the mirror.

Dooley's death drives everything else out of his mind apart from Leviathan.

"I'll go and inform his wife," Jack says to Carter the two of them sitting on desks with their backs to the windows. There was glass everywhere from the explosion which had made Dooley's body into nothing more than ash, not even a piece large enough to give to his wife to bury. "Carter, you said this woman from your building, Dottie Underwood, is part of Leviathan?"

"Without a doubt," Carter replied, in the cool, slightly dismissive tone of voice. It normally would get Jack's back up, make him want to snap back at her so she understood that she was only here for morale purposes, but he was too tired. He would have to face Dooley's widow soon, maybe even his kids, and explain how the man died in a way that brought some sort of peace to her without compromising national security. She would probably cry too; Jack hated crying women.

It was something useful for him to do, the last thing he had been ordered to do and whatever else he was, he was a good soldier. He couldn't forget that Dooley had looked at Carter, had made her promise to catch the doctor and the blonde. Jack may be the one who was technically second in command but in the moment before his death, Dooley had recognised that Carter was more the real deal than Jack could ever be.

Sousa's arrival was a welcome distraction after that.

No one could figure out what the stolen items did, not even Stark's uptight butler, and Jack set off reluctantly to inform Dooley's widow. It went as well as could be expected, with the woman getting upset over her husband's death and angry at Jack for not being able to give her more information. Dooley's son was sitting there painting at the table, giving frequent glances to Jack and his mother's conversation, but didn't say anything, thank God.

Jack left as soon as was polite and stopped by at his favourite diner who were happy to give him food to take back to the office. None of the agents were going home any time soon and asking Carter to get food as normal may lead to her knocking Jack out again, considering her pointed remarks back in the interview room. It had seemed like a good idea at the time but a whiff of cooking meat floated over to Jack and reminded him of the smell of Dooley's flesh as the jacket seared his skin and he felt his stomach roll.

"Jack?" Adam's voice was like a cool balm and Jack turned to his friend, grateful to have something to take his mind off how he had seen his boss murdered right in front of his eyes. He went out as a hero but that was probably small comfort to Dooley, wherever he was. "You look awful, are you alright?"

Adam's hand came to rest on Jack's arm and it seemed to burn with heat right through Jack's shirt. He felt bruised and tired and wanted nothing more than to sink into Adam and sleep for the next thousand years but he forced his thoughts away. They weren't appropriate thoughts to be having about another man and he really didn't want to have to explain this in Confession next time he went to church.

"Bad day at work," Jack muttered. He shifted his weight so their shoulders were brushing against each other and tried to stifle a yawn. Adam was watching him, his eyes soft, and that made it all the harder to resist closing the distance between them. "My boss - he got..." He trailed off, unable to find the words to encompass what had been happening recently. He thought he had left the war behind but it just followed him home, only far more secret and insidious. There was a blanket of silence over his work and as much as he wanted to, he couldn't even open his mouth to tell Adam what had happened. There had to be something he could tell him and so he settled on a half-truth. "My boss got hit by a truck," he said quietly and Adam blinked in surprised horror. The usual lightness and laughter in his eyes was gone and only a terrible sympathy was left in its place. "There wasn't really any of him left. I just come from telling his wife."

"Jack, that's really awful." Adam's grip on Jack's arm tightened. "Is there anything I can do to help?"

Suggestions flitted through Jack's brain, each one discarded before it could be fully formed. They ranged from the socially unacceptable to the downright illegal and Jack couldn't let himself think about it, lest he gave himself away and lost Adam forever. "Thanks, Adam, but I'll be okay." He had to be. There wasn't any other choice.

Adam glanced around the shower quickly, a furtive glance which had Jack's agent instincts tingling, before he grabbed Jack's arm. "I have a place on on the corner of Delancey and First. Number 34. I know you have to get back to work, but come see me after? Any time of night, I don't mind, whenever you finish."

His heart in his throat, Jack nodded. He wasn't quite sure what he was agreeing to but Adam's smile made something inside him relax, like he had done the right thing for once.

"I'll be there," he said quietly, dropping his voice as if and Adam were discussing something private. It was perfectly normal to make plans with friends, especially after a shit day at work. Jack ignored the part of himself which was pointing out the fact that it was Adam that made things different.

Adam squeezed his arm one more time before he left, but not before giving Jack another smile. His food order was called and Jack paid and collected. Everything felt a little more easier to deal with, lighter somehow after talking to Adam. He could do this, he could find the doctor and the blonde and afterwards... afterwards he could do something he wanted.

It was late, really late, when Jack finally got off work. He had to investigate the theatre and got punched by Sousa for his troubles. He always thought it would happen but he didn't anticipate it happening while Sousa was under the influence of some rage gas. Carter had volunteered to stay with him and ordered Jack home to get some rest. He had wanted to point out that he was her superior but the thought of Adam stayed his words.

As he was travelling up Manhattan he wondered why exactly he was going to see Adam. It was too late for normal visiting hours, despite what Adam had said about any time, but his body was buzzing with adrenaline after the day and he couldn't switch off. Not to mention the thought of seeing Adam - it made everything seem a lot more manageable. He resolved not to think about it anymore, letting his feet carry him from the subway to the Lower East Side.

He let himself up, not letting himself hesitate as he marched right up to door 34 and knocked. There was no sound inside and he took a step back, not sure whether he should knock again or whether he should retreat. Apologise to Adam next time he saw him and maybe they could do this another time. Jack ran a hand through his hair and grimaced at the feeling of gel on his fingers. He probably looked worse than a schoolboy now, hair all over the place and his clothes dishevelled from the tussle with Sousa. His jaw felt tender and he rubbed it, focusing on the pain there rather than on the fact Adam still hadn't come to the door.

Jack took a deep breath and was about to knock again - the last time, he wouldn't try again - when the door swung open, leaving his fist hanging in the air. Adam's hair was more mussed than usual, looking like Jack had dragged him straight out of a deep sleep.

"Hey," he said and then paused because he had no idea how to justify his presence here. Adam's eyes were sleepy but Jack could see them sharpening by the second the more Adam woke up. "Sorry," Jack added. "For the time."

"Don't be stupid, I told you to come." Adam stood aside and waved Jack in. His apartment was small, a little messy, but Jack found himself enjoying the little glimpses of Adam he could see around the place. His typewriter was sitting in the corner of the room and there were several rickety bookcases stuffed full with books. The sofa was sagging in the middle and far too small for a grown man to lie down comfortably, but it reminded Jack of the couch his grandma used to have. The blinds over the windows didn't block out the street light completely, giving the room a dim glow. When Jack breathed out, he could feel the tension release from his shoulders. He was safe, he didn't have to be Agent Thompson to someone who didn't even know the agent side existed.

"I don't really know why I'm here," he said when he turned to see Adam resting against the door jamb, waiting patiently like he always did. "I have to be at work again in less than seven hours, I should be home sleeping." He kept his voice low, some unspoken instinct not wanting Adam's neighbours to know he was there, but he gestured wildly to show his confusion. He didn't know what else to say and that wasn't something he was used to - at work, he always knew the right thing to say to show himself in the best possible light, but now he was speechless. He wanted to be here but there was no good excuse for why it had been so important he had travelled for over half hour an hour at twelve in the morning to get here.

"You could sleep here." Adam stepped closer to him, far closer than anyone other than his parents had done before. It was far closer than friends but Jack's mind shied away from the thought before it even formed properly. "Just sleep. I have to be up early too, I have to deliver my latest story to the paper before going to the VE day celebration in Times Square. I don't suppose you would like to join me?" Adam's smile was small but it erased any doubt Jack had.

"I can't, I'm working tomorrow." The smile dimmed and Jack wanted to put it back. "But I wouldn't mind sleeping here."

"The couch is too small, you'll kill your back." Adam gestured to the couch. Jack knew this already and so he waited. "You could share the bed with me?" Jack's heart pounded in his throat and he opened his mouth, only for nothing to come out. It felt like a monumental step, like Adam's earlier promise about 'just sleeping' was acknowledging the fact that they could do something other than sleep in the bed, and Jack agreeing to the bed was agreeing to whatever it was between them. There was no one else around apart from the two of them and so Jack did what he wanted.

He nodded.

Adam led him through into the bedroom and Jack tried to pretend that this was something other than what it was. Jack didn't really have any close friends, not even when he was a boy, for all he knew close friends could share beds as adults all the time. But when Adam curled around him to make sure both of them could fit on the bed, Jack felt his grip spasm and tighten on Adam's waist. He was filled with the sudden desire to move, to settle himself on top of Adam and do everything he knew was wrong. Imagining what the other agents would say if they found out faded in comparison to Adam's lean body, pressed against Jack in a way that made it really obvious he wasn't a woman.

"Jack, stop thinking and go to sleep," Adam said, muffled but still coherent. Following Adam had led him here, he could cede control. Just this once.

He ignored his pounding heart and let himself drift, the smell of Adam surrounding him.

***

"They're going to hit Times Square," Carter's words had Jack hurrying off to try and get them to call off the VE celebration. Carter was smart, she knew what to do, and Jack had to get everyone out of Times Square. All those people - _Adam_.

"I talked to every smuck trying to call off the VE celebration. They won't do it. Already hundred thousand people packed into Times Square." And Adam was one of them. Jack set his jaw and tried not to scream at how helpless he felt. He neglected to mention that he had almost punched the guy who had laughed at Jack's suggestion of cancelling the VE celebration. As much he tried to keep his mind on the job, all he could see was Adam lying on the street, bloodied and still, like one of those people in the theatre.

Then that irritating butler of Stark's said that he and Stark had been hiding an even bigger vault from the SSR and he almost throttled him. He took a step forward but when his shoulder bumped against Carter's and he met her eyes, he brought himself back under control. The butler had gone pale and looked like he was about to bolt and Sousa was staring at him in confusion.

"Yes, we can all agree that it would have been helpful to know about this before," Carter said in her crisp accent. She managed to radiate disapproval and the butler looked more scared of that than he had been of Jack. "Jarvis, you'll travel with me and direct us to this second vault. The two of you will follow behind." Sousa and the butler nodded and headed off to the cars but when Jack went to follow, Carter caught his arm.

"What, Carter?" He snapped. Every moment they delayed was another moment closer to carnage in Times Square.

"What is going on, Jack? That wasn't professional anger over being fooled, that was something else." Carter blinked at him, looking calm and unflappable. Jack could refuse, he could say they didn't have time for this and Carter would agree and let the subject drop, but he didn't want to. He wanted someone to know the stakes of what was happening for him and, if they failed, know why he mourned.

"It's Adam," he said quickly. "He said he was going to Times Square for the celebration."

Something flared in Carter's eyes and Jack could see she understood. In the way Jack wanted her to understand and there wasn't any disgust in her eyes. Rather a new determination. "Let's go."

Finally something Jack could agree with.

***

It was late again when Jack got to Adam's street after they had arrested Fernhoff and done the stacks of paperwork associated with the whole mess with Times Square. He had to come here though, even though he knew nothing had happened in Times Square, he had to make sure that Adam was all right. He had been in a state of fear all day over Adam, he could admit that much to himself at least, and rather than pacing around his apartment and driving his downstairs neighbours mad, he came to the one place he was sure he would be welcomed. His head was throbbing from where the doctor had hit him but he ignored the pounding in his head as he climbed the stairs to Adam's apartment.

"Jack," Adam said, looking even more surprised than he had last night when he opened the door. He was in the same nightclothes and looking so very alive that Jack stepped forward and pulled him into a tight hug before he could overthink it. He was shaking, he realised when he hugged Adam, and now Adam was in his arms, he felt like he could never let the other man go. Adam froze in shock but his arms came up in the next moment to hug Jack back just as tightly. "Come inside," Adam said, pulling Jack in and shutting the door behind him, never letting go of Jack all the while.

"Don't punch me, okay?" Jack said as he pulled back from the hug. He hoped he wasn't completely misreading the signals but, after today, he had to take the leap.

He had never kissed a man before but it wasn't that much different from kissing a woman, especially when Adam started responding and he found himself pushing Adam against the back of the front door, pressing the two of them together and letting the want in his body take over. Adam responded with equal ferocity but he kept his body passive, letting Jack move him wherever he wanted, and it was only when Jack realised he was seriously considering taking Adam against his front door that he found the strength to pull back.

"Where did that come from?" Adam panted. Jack hadn't moved away but was breathing hard, his face resting in the crook of Adam's neck. Adam was a little shorter than Jack, meaning he had to bend his knees, but he wasn't moving for anything.

Jack hesitated and raised his head in order to look Adam in the eye. "It's been a really bad day," he said. He wanted to tell Adam what was going on but sense of caution stayed his tongue. "I'm glad you're okay."

Something flickered in Adam's eyes and he smoothed a hand over Jack's cheek. "Looks like it was really bad. Want to sleep here tonight?" Jack nodded. Now he wasn't distracted by Adam so much, his headache had returned with a vengeance.

"Got any aspirin? I've got a headache." Adam nodded. Jack followed Adam into the bedroom, none of the confusion from last night plaguing him. Stripping off his clothes and climbing into Adam's bed while Adam got the aspirin already felt familiar and when Adam got in as well, Jack felt himself smile. He had made his choice.


End file.
